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there is this look i have when all talks are finished. this look i have when i am done yelling or screaming. she note: when you are yelling i know i am not in that much trouble, it’s when you get to talking too normal like a principal. that’s when i want to go hide in my room.

now… i just got off the phone with one of my boys. he noted how someone cowardly contacted him because they felt i was acting ass at the knitting factory, which is probably true.

but hmmm… if i was, contacting another man to talk tell me to stop is a bad move.

more importantly, it was hard for him to believe i was being pushy about collabos when i have a very short list of cats i will even mic with. ten persons last i checked, and 2 are done — thanks machinedrum and tina.

now more importantly, if there is a problem do NOT contact others. it is impossible for another man/woman to control or constrain me. it is NOT going to happen. i am all kinetic energy.

now i do not believe in hating or haters or snitches. in fact, i rally against those terms.

dislike me! fine. hate me! fantastic. BUT, please, do not attempt to disparage or disrespect or toss rocks vs me. these transgressions are not taken lightly, and unlike many of my brethren, i am actually a nasty size and attitude. and yes, i do keep two feet in spaces that are dingy & no-so-good, solidly. and yes, my daughter is correct the look does lead to issues.

and more importantly, why? why are grown men attempting to talk shite publicly unless they mean me harm? talk.. by all means say your piece… but say it to a confidant. talk to your girlfriend. speak of these things, negatively, internally, unless, you aim to feud which also a fair proposition.

i understand, the male ego is a powerful and amazing driver. i suggest that you give him directions around certain neighborhoods.

chris, my wonderful pale twin, once tried to beat my ass to slap another fellow. when i asked him why, after spending 20 minutes begging him not to, he said,as i paraphrase: sometimes the only language an a@@hole understands is sign language.

i’d hate to find out if chris was right.

– this has been a public service announcement for those who need it –

Tomorrow a judge will decide if the officers on trial, for various reckless charges vs Sean Bell and his associate, are to be found guilty or not guilty. This is an important step for NYC. Most, if not all of us, in the Black community are frequented with vigils and stories created by police abuse or misconduct.

And, we are hard to believe tomorrow will be different. We are loathe to believe that the trial will end differently then it did for one of my friends. Shot in the back, on train platform. He survived the first Iraqi conflict; but we all understand how Black men have killed for the American Dream. Yet, when the darker heroes return home, the police misconducts cause deferred dreams and many nightmares.

Yes, I find it hard to believe. I find it hard to believe the world is going to change. But believe, inshallah, i am going to make prayer that the right decision is rendered. I know what feeling sits in my heart: fry the bastards. But i am not the judge. I am not Allah.

Lucky for them.

It is hard to be Black, and yes that sounds cliche. And yes it is cliche. But truths are repeated often. So many of us are shot, shot at, pushed, kicked, thrown against the wall, jabbed with sticks, told disparaging comments… harassed in varieties and manners I am sure I cannot remember or create.

And tomorrow makes me sweaty and balmy. I am afraid I will spread tears and ignorance if the police walk. I am afraid that my words will make my kids stare at my responses. My disbelief. My anger.

Tonight my eyes will tire from the work I must finish. And, I will sleep. I will wake, walk my two little girls to school.

I will attend my meetings and studio time.

But all day long my mind will keep switching back to trial. Yes the radio is now my best friend. My regular web use is going  to quadruple.

God save the city, and keep the fools full of conversation but not action.

-tai

“yo tai i got that joint, very dope.”

all the while i am scanning the room, yearning for attention. hoping someone will come up to me and acknowledge the existence of a record. yup, i am sucker… this EP is like the emergence of child who was prepped to go to university.

i keep wondering did we rear him well enough: can he do laundry; will he study hard; have character; work on his faults; and, be loved

“i had no idea you could sing”

still feeling overwhelmed by praise and by anxiety and by excitement and by fear; births are exhausting! so very exhausting.

if u get time, bring my life & opinions home, for just 3 bucks!: www.mobileunderground.com/artist/vicelounge 

-tai

vicelounge: tai, jonn nubian, craig knight, nyaze + dee ferguson

final decision: just start writing somethin, here it is

i spent the better part of the last week wondering what love is and how it really works. now that may not seem very manly… but oh well…

when someone figures this out, email… smoke signals… telephone… carrier pigeon… stone tablet… totem pole…

ooh whoa is me.

but in unrelated news: heston is dope… i do not know his myspace or anything like that. but go to www.soultracks.com and i bet you will love what he does too!

until we meet again

-tai